Vegan Staff Not Appreciated

Now I’m not the kind of guy who is going to cry every time I’m excluded from the workplace free eats. To supplement my Vegan Underground paycheck, I work in a typical office. My work’s lack of recognition or knowledge of my personal self-imposed dietary restrictions is not offensive at all (until now).

You see, I’m used to being left out of the monthly birthday cakes, ice cream socials, building holiday cookie extravaganzas and the likes. I attend these celebrations with mug of coffee (with soy milk brought from home). I’m guessing nobody even notices or maybe thinks, he doesn’t like cake or cookies or ice cream or fun or life. Well, I’ve got some news for you day job, I do, I really do!

This week my office celebrates “Staff Appreciation Week.” There’s prizes, jeans may be worn all week and there’s free food. Monday was a yogurt bar on, Crumbs Cupcakes on Thursday and today, Hero Sandwiches. I thought the Heroes would be “build-your-own” so had big plans to go vegan-loco all over that sub bun. I was sad to find the sandwiches as classic combinations piled with several types of meat, cheese on a mayo painted bun, a meat-soaked, cheese-smelly, hoagie bun

I realize that being Vegan is a life of boycotts and passes. I have a respectful suggestion. It’s time to update another cliche’ office tradition. Sort of like when “Christmas” was changed to “Holiday.” That way everyone is included and happy (except for the Christmas people).

Could we have some vegan options? Chipotle did it. Vegan covers lactose-intolerant too. I know what you’re thinking, next we’ve got to have gluten-free, Kosher, sugar-free, soy-free, where does it end? Maybe we should completely ban food from the office. Would that make you happy, vegans? Response: maybe you should stop penalizing people who make healthy dietary choices. Can’t we be friends?

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